KakaIru ficlet.

[midnightdiddle]

Uh. Written 'cause dragon_bite was telling me about this absolutely horrid fic with a scroll. And, umm, I wrote this for her.


It's not that Kakashi needs him, because he doesn't. He just wants him. Unrequited KakaIru, mentionings of zomg!het, twisting of emotions, and, uh, vague mentionings of emotional slavery. Sorta.


Scroll Darling

There are scrolls for everything. There are scrolls that summon familiars, scrolls that summon weapons, scrolls that rip and tear and destroy with wind, fire, earth, water. There are scrolls for most anything, from defense to offense to sealing demons away into little children with blue eyes.

There are also scrolls for sealing minds. There are scrolls that, when you smear your blood over the ink and paper, tie people to you so tightly that the mere thought of betrayal is one that can't exist.

It is almost, in a way, like love.

It's not that Kakashi needs someone, because he doesn't. He hasn't needed anyone since Obito and Rin and Sensei, and that was long ago, when Kakashi was small, with thin shoulders that couldn't hold up the weight of the world. Now, though, Kakashi's bigger, better, stronger, and he doesn't need, never needs. He does, however, want.

Like he wants Iruka. He's not quite sure why he wants Iruka, but it might have something to do with the way Naruto and Sasuke and Sakura all look up at Iruka, adult eyes in child faces, and smile. Or it might be the way the Hokage looks thoughtful whenever Iruka says a word. Or the way Iruka has this way of putting everyone on edge, because something always happens when Iruka's around.

Or it might just be because Iruka is alive.

"Come drink with me," Kakashi says, leaning half-way into Iruka's classroom. Iruka's surrounded by scrolls and shuriken, blinking in the growing shadows. "There's a bar--"

"No thanks," Iruka interrupts, barely looking up from whatever's on the desk. Kakashi frowns, steps into the classroom, and Iruka still isn't looking up.

"Iruka--"

"Not interested, thanks," Iruka repeats, then says, "turn on the light when you go, will you?"

Kakashi doesn't turn on the light.

Iruka, it turns out, seems to care less about manners and civility than about work and the pressing need of time, time, time. He brushes Kakashi off with careless flicks of his fingers, turning away and continuing down the hallway, as though Kakashi isn't there, or worse, Kakashi is just another person.

Kakashi takes to dogging his steps, following closer until he trips over Iruka when Iruka stops, a tangle of limbs.

"What," Iruka asks, looking confused, "do you want?"

"Sleep with me," Kakashi says, tries to ignore the way it sounds pleading, and tries to stick his hand down Iruka's pants while he's at it.

"What? No," Iruka snaps, catching Kakashi's wrist and pushing Kakashi away. "Why would I..." He trails off, looks confused, then looks dismayed, full of pity, and Kakashi wants to rip Iruka's face off.

"Oh," Iruka says, like Iruka understands, and Kakashi doesn't feel ashamed, he doesn't. "Oh, I-- Oh. I'm sorry, but I'm really, um, not interested in men. Though I think you're a nice person, but. Well. I'm busy, and I've already got someone. She-- Well--"

Kakashi turns away, starts down the hallway, and Iruka follows him, still full of pity, like Kakashi's a child who's been let down too many times.

"Maybe," Iruka says, nice, friendly, like Iruka is with everyone, while he's running running running through life, "we can go for drinks sometime. I mean, I'd like to be friends with you, I just-- Well. Think about it, will you?"

There are scrolls for everything. There are scrolls that wipe memories clean, until people don't remember anything, not their family or friends or lovers. There are scrolls that can make people feel like they're in love, until they are, because feelings are so easy to manipulate in creatures as fragile as humans are. There are scrolls to make everything right, because in this world, there is no wrong.

It's not that Kakashi needs him, because he doesn't. But Kakashi wants him, and Kakashi always gets what he wants.

Comments

[aditou.livejournal.com]

...man. you rock. Do you never lose your touch~? XD This was utterly brilliant. I love it!

[midnightdiddle.livejournal.com]

eee~ Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it! And, oh, you make me so happy. <3

[drelfina.livejournal.com]

*shivers*

WHY is it that nothing actually happened, but there is that. That... FEELING?

Actually, we know what Kakashi did. And the worse part is that you dind't say HE did it, but the implications make me shiver, make me want to know what happened next and oh, oh, Kakashi's just TAKEN Iruka's LIFE from him and Iruka will never know...

[midnightdiddle.livejournal.com]

<3 Thank you.

This really isn't a way I used to see Kakashi (and still don't), but he had to turn out... Well, in the fic o' doom that dragon_bite was complaining about, Kakashi rapes Iruka. With a scroll. So, umm... I needed an equivalent, and physical raping became, er, emotional and mental raping. With a scroll. *headdesk*

[drelfina.livejournal.com]

Well...

I like this one. This one is even scarier than physical rape, because with physical rape, you CAN recover from it - you can see, hey, I've been hurt HERE and now I'm recovering... I remember what I used to be like, and now I know I'm getting there.

What Kakashi (I know you don't see him like this, but oh oh oh) does to Iruka is far far worse. Iruka will NEVER be able to see what he used to be like before. He will NEVER be able to remember his love for his girlfriend/wife/partner. He will NEVER be able to remember that he was not attracted to men in the first place.

THAT, in my opinion, is the scariest part.

[lorryl.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was wonderful. Thanks for sharing!

[midnightdiddle.livejournal.com]

Thank you! And you're welcome! :)

[marmaladecat]

As wonderful as ever. I'm surprised at how good it is to read Naruto fic again, but then it's you, so it's all good. ;)

[midnightdiddle.livejournal.com]

<3

Thank you~ It...actually felt pretty good to write Naruto. Not something I'm going to throw myself into again, but it was like... Nostalgic. And kinda fun. :)

Thank you!

[kaka-love.livejournal.com]

Hmmm . . . I know how you rather dislike the Naruto fandom in general, but the fandom must be missing you terribly.

I love everything you write, of course, but as much as you dislike it, I really like when you write in the Naruto fandom. I understand more, without having to ask you what it all means and why. I'm just more familiar with it.

And this was beautiful! I don't know how you manage it, honestly.

[midnightdiddle.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you don't really know any of my fandoms! :( But I'm glad you're still always supportive, and such.

I might write Naruto again. Someday. But, er, don't hold your breath?

*glomps and adores*

[akashacatbat.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Kiki. I know you don't like this fandom so much any more, so I appreciate the fact you took some time to write in it. Like kaka_love, I am also not familiar with your other fandoms, so seeing this piece was a real treat for me. :-)

[fieryredqueen.livejournal.com]

Since reading this a few days ago, I've been hit with the desire to write a follow-up to this. You know, Iruka's POV, where he's in love with Kakashi but worried about how fuzzy his memories have become, and wondering who this strange woman is who keeps crying and insisting they're lovers, even though he's sure he's never seen her before in his life, etc. I was wondering, in the event that this project would ever see the light of day, if you would mind if I posted it--probably just in my LJ and in kakairu. You'd get credit for the idea, of course, and I'd link to this page or the ff.net page.