midnightdiddle (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
midnightdiddle) wrote2006-05-19 12:36 am
midnightdiddle) wrote2006-05-19 12:36 am
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Ficlet! Again!
Wow! I'm writing! A lot! Sorta! I pretend!
A ficlet for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nezumiko and duelist, sorta as an apology for not liking Genma. Oops?
There's a room three floors above the mission room. It's a little dark, and a little cramped, and it's mostly empty. This is the jounin room. It's also known as the breaking room, not to be confused with the break room, and the batshitcrazy room. It's the most hated room in Konoha, and it's used almost every day.
Once, when Genma first became a jounin, there were couches in the room, but between one visit and another the couches disappeared, and a few scorchmarks (and blood spots, though Genma tried not to look at those) appeared. Some kind soul threw in a few pillows at one point, and the pillows were mostly intact, if a little worse-for-wear.
Of course, it's hard to quite notice little things like that when you're lying face down on the ground, fingers curled against the linoleum, trying to hold on for dear life, because the god damned fucking world is spinning faster and faster and voices are screaming in your ears and really, you'd rather not open your eyes and take a look at the faded throw pillows.
A hand touched the back of Genma's neck, fingers on one side, thumb on the other, and Genma twisted his head, his temple against the linoleum.
"Better?" Raidou's voice was low, slow and soothing as a croon, and Genma couldn't breathe, because if he opened his mouth he knew he'd say something stupid, or maybe he'd start crying, or maybe he'd just throw up, and either way, he'd rather die than let Raidou see him like that, but Raidou was already looking at him, and god he just wanted Raidou to go away.
But then, Raidou was never the brightest guy.
x
Hayate had come along first, but then, Hayate did most everything first. He was the youngest, and he was stupid with the faith in youth, and so he spoke before he thought, jumped before he looked, killed before he asked.
It'd been late summer, when the days were too hot to do much more than lie on the floor in front of a box fan, trying to breathe. Genma'd given up on sleeping at night, and napping during the day was impossible, so he took refuge down by the river. It was cooler down there, next to the water, under the shade of trees. Some days he'd go swimming, just lean over enough until he fell into the water, and some days he laid on the moss, breathing hot air that felt too heavy for his lungs, and tried to sleep.
One of his swimming days a kid threw himself into the water, hitting the surface with a smack that promised pain-red skin. Genma tilted his head back, floating, and watched the kid surface, hair dragging in his face like a wet dogs.
"You're a shitty diver," Genma remarked, letting the current drag him down river, further and further from Konoha. The kid shook his head, water droplets shattering the sunlight, and laughed.
Hayate happened easily, and left just as easily, too. He was like ice in the summer, cold and perfect and felt so good in your mouth, on your skin, but then he melted away, slipping through cracks and disappearing into the air.
But really, Genma didn't want to think on that.
x
He'd been sleeping with Hayate for a few months, or maybe Hayate had been sleeping with him for a few months, when Hayate showed up on his doorstep, breathless and laughing and next to another man.
"Mission," Hayate said, leaning a gauze-wrapped hand on the doorframe. "We're going drinking, come with us."
Genma followed behind, and at the bar he watched Hayate get drunk and get stupid, watched him kiss Hatake Kakashi, because Hayate was always the first to get something done. Afterwards he dragged Hayate home, and in the morning he sat on the couch as Hayate threw up.
"You kissed Hatake last night," he said, sipping his coffee. Hayate groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes.
"Mission high," Hayate said. "Wanted to fuck something. God, I'm tired."
Genma glanced at Hayate, watching the kid's shirt ride up a few inches, pants slung too low on too thin hips. "You should sleep more," he said, "you're going to get sick."
x
Early spring Hayate started coughing. Genma bought some cough medicine, left it on the counter, and Hayate laughed at him, scrubbing his hair dry from the rain outside.
Genma woke up to the sound of Hayate coughing, to the sound of Hayate falling out of the bed, stumbling away, throwing up. Hayate was pale and shaking, hands bracing him up from the floor, and when Genma touched him, a hand to the back of the neck, Hayate smacked his arm away.
"Don't touch me," Hayate gasped and snarled and choked. "Don't- Get away-"
The next morning Hayate slept on the edge of the bed, wastebasket by his head, arm curled around a pillow. Genma sat on the other side of the bed, sipping a cup of coffee, and on a whim he reached over, touched Hayate's hot forehead. After a few minutes Hayate started coughing again and Genma pulled away, walking into the kitchen and pouring the rest of his coffee down the sink.
x
By late spring Hayate was laughing again, still breathless and thin, hips jutting out and shoulders curling in. His hair was wet, hanging in his eyes, and he pushed it away with one hand, other hand clutching his katana.
Kakashi stretched out his arms, katana held loosely between his fingers, and Genma watched them from the doorway to the training room. Hayate dipped his head back, smile on his pale lips, and laughed again.
"He's good, Genma."
That time, when Hayate, drunk on adrenaline and breathless life, kissed Hatake Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi kissed back, and Genma watched from the doorway.
x
Summer came and went, hot days floating down the river. Genma taught Hayate how to dive and Hayate taught Genma how to fuck with people's lives. In the background Kakashi watched, grey eye on Genma, red eye on Hayate. Genma watched Kakashi watch, and Hayate didn't watch either of them, because he was too busy trying to live as much as he could.
"You hate him?" Hayate asked, and his breath was cold against Genma's ear. Genma elbowed Hayate away, bringing his hands together.
"Don't hate him." Might hate you, he thought, and he dived into the river, water sliding over his skin, cold as Hayate's breath.
"You hate me?" Hayate asked, and he was floating next to Genma, face narrow, bones sharp. Genma looked at him then spread out his arms, fingers carrying him away.
"No," he said, and he wondered if he was lying.
x
Genma kissed Kakashi during the winter. Hayate was coughing again, had been since autumn, and Genma was wondering if it'd take very long.
Kakashi was there one day, standing next to the door, and Genma kissed him, because Genma couldn't deal with thinking anymore. Kakashi kissed him back, and then Genma punched him as hard as he could, wanting to break something.
"You're waiting for him to die," Genma said stupidly, and he wondered if he was going insane.
Kakashi touched his lip, fingers coming away bloody, and he didn't laugh, not like Hayate laughed. "You love me?"
"No," Genma said, and he wanted to spread his fingers, float away from a world that was spinning too fast.
"Do you love him?" Kakashi asked, blood on his mouth, fingers pulling his mask up and up and up.
"Yes," Genma said, and he wondered if he was lying.
x
Hayate left first. He was always first, in everything he did, and he ended things the same way he started.
"We're going drinking," he said, breathless and pale next to Kakashi. "Come with me."
Genma followed, and he watched Hayate get drunk and he watched Hayate cough, but he didn't watch Hayate kiss him, because his eyes were closed and he was kissing Hayate back. He dragged Hayate home and the next morning Hayate was sprawled out on the floor, an arm flung over his eyes.
"God," Hayate groaned, "I'm so tired."
"You need to rest more," Genma said, sipping at his coffee. "You're sick, you need more rest."
Hayate smiled, lips thin and pale and dry, cracking and bleeding a little. "No time. I'm judging in the exam, you know?"
"Stupid," Genma said, leaning forward to kiss Hayate, coffee held out of the way. Hayate laughed against his mouth, and the kiss tasted like blood.
x
"Better?" Raidou asked, and Genma wanted to scream at him, but he was scared that if he opened his mouth he might start coughing.
Raidou rubbed his neck, thumb and fingers tight, and Genma turned his face against the floor, too scared to breathe.
x
The end of the summer was hot, too hot to do much more than lie on the floor and try to breathe. Sometimes, when Genma was feeling a little more alive, he'd go down to the river, and he'd throw himself into the water. He was floating, head tilted back, when there was a splash next to him.
Kakashi's fingers were loose around his wrist and Genma let Kakashi pull him until his feet touched the bottom of the river.
"You know how to dive?" Genma asked, pulling his wrist away from Kakashi. Kakashi looked at him, grey and red eyes on him, and Genma spread his arms out to the sides, in the cold water.
"Yeah," Kakashi said, and he didn't laugh, not like Hayate always had.
"Good," Genma said, and he spread his fingers, letting the river carry him away.
A ficlet for
nezumiko and duelist, sorta as an apology for not liking Genma. Oops?There's a room three floors above the mission room. It's a little dark, and a little cramped, and it's mostly empty. This is the jounin room. It's also known as the breaking room, not to be confused with the break room, and the batshitcrazy room. It's the most hated room in Konoha, and it's used almost every day.
Once, when Genma first became a jounin, there were couches in the room, but between one visit and another the couches disappeared, and a few scorchmarks (and blood spots, though Genma tried not to look at those) appeared. Some kind soul threw in a few pillows at one point, and the pillows were mostly intact, if a little worse-for-wear.
Of course, it's hard to quite notice little things like that when you're lying face down on the ground, fingers curled against the linoleum, trying to hold on for dear life, because the god damned fucking world is spinning faster and faster and voices are screaming in your ears and really, you'd rather not open your eyes and take a look at the faded throw pillows.
A hand touched the back of Genma's neck, fingers on one side, thumb on the other, and Genma twisted his head, his temple against the linoleum.
"Better?" Raidou's voice was low, slow and soothing as a croon, and Genma couldn't breathe, because if he opened his mouth he knew he'd say something stupid, or maybe he'd start crying, or maybe he'd just throw up, and either way, he'd rather die than let Raidou see him like that, but Raidou was already looking at him, and god he just wanted Raidou to go away.
But then, Raidou was never the brightest guy.
x
Hayate had come along first, but then, Hayate did most everything first. He was the youngest, and he was stupid with the faith in youth, and so he spoke before he thought, jumped before he looked, killed before he asked.
It'd been late summer, when the days were too hot to do much more than lie on the floor in front of a box fan, trying to breathe. Genma'd given up on sleeping at night, and napping during the day was impossible, so he took refuge down by the river. It was cooler down there, next to the water, under the shade of trees. Some days he'd go swimming, just lean over enough until he fell into the water, and some days he laid on the moss, breathing hot air that felt too heavy for his lungs, and tried to sleep.
One of his swimming days a kid threw himself into the water, hitting the surface with a smack that promised pain-red skin. Genma tilted his head back, floating, and watched the kid surface, hair dragging in his face like a wet dogs.
"You're a shitty diver," Genma remarked, letting the current drag him down river, further and further from Konoha. The kid shook his head, water droplets shattering the sunlight, and laughed.
Hayate happened easily, and left just as easily, too. He was like ice in the summer, cold and perfect and felt so good in your mouth, on your skin, but then he melted away, slipping through cracks and disappearing into the air.
But really, Genma didn't want to think on that.
x
He'd been sleeping with Hayate for a few months, or maybe Hayate had been sleeping with him for a few months, when Hayate showed up on his doorstep, breathless and laughing and next to another man.
"Mission," Hayate said, leaning a gauze-wrapped hand on the doorframe. "We're going drinking, come with us."
Genma followed behind, and at the bar he watched Hayate get drunk and get stupid, watched him kiss Hatake Kakashi, because Hayate was always the first to get something done. Afterwards he dragged Hayate home, and in the morning he sat on the couch as Hayate threw up.
"You kissed Hatake last night," he said, sipping his coffee. Hayate groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes.
"Mission high," Hayate said. "Wanted to fuck something. God, I'm tired."
Genma glanced at Hayate, watching the kid's shirt ride up a few inches, pants slung too low on too thin hips. "You should sleep more," he said, "you're going to get sick."
x
Early spring Hayate started coughing. Genma bought some cough medicine, left it on the counter, and Hayate laughed at him, scrubbing his hair dry from the rain outside.
Genma woke up to the sound of Hayate coughing, to the sound of Hayate falling out of the bed, stumbling away, throwing up. Hayate was pale and shaking, hands bracing him up from the floor, and when Genma touched him, a hand to the back of the neck, Hayate smacked his arm away.
"Don't touch me," Hayate gasped and snarled and choked. "Don't- Get away-"
The next morning Hayate slept on the edge of the bed, wastebasket by his head, arm curled around a pillow. Genma sat on the other side of the bed, sipping a cup of coffee, and on a whim he reached over, touched Hayate's hot forehead. After a few minutes Hayate started coughing again and Genma pulled away, walking into the kitchen and pouring the rest of his coffee down the sink.
x
By late spring Hayate was laughing again, still breathless and thin, hips jutting out and shoulders curling in. His hair was wet, hanging in his eyes, and he pushed it away with one hand, other hand clutching his katana.
Kakashi stretched out his arms, katana held loosely between his fingers, and Genma watched them from the doorway to the training room. Hayate dipped his head back, smile on his pale lips, and laughed again.
"He's good, Genma."
That time, when Hayate, drunk on adrenaline and breathless life, kissed Hatake Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi kissed back, and Genma watched from the doorway.
x
Summer came and went, hot days floating down the river. Genma taught Hayate how to dive and Hayate taught Genma how to fuck with people's lives. In the background Kakashi watched, grey eye on Genma, red eye on Hayate. Genma watched Kakashi watch, and Hayate didn't watch either of them, because he was too busy trying to live as much as he could.
"You hate him?" Hayate asked, and his breath was cold against Genma's ear. Genma elbowed Hayate away, bringing his hands together.
"Don't hate him." Might hate you, he thought, and he dived into the river, water sliding over his skin, cold as Hayate's breath.
"You hate me?" Hayate asked, and he was floating next to Genma, face narrow, bones sharp. Genma looked at him then spread out his arms, fingers carrying him away.
"No," he said, and he wondered if he was lying.
x
Genma kissed Kakashi during the winter. Hayate was coughing again, had been since autumn, and Genma was wondering if it'd take very long.
Kakashi was there one day, standing next to the door, and Genma kissed him, because Genma couldn't deal with thinking anymore. Kakashi kissed him back, and then Genma punched him as hard as he could, wanting to break something.
"You're waiting for him to die," Genma said stupidly, and he wondered if he was going insane.
Kakashi touched his lip, fingers coming away bloody, and he didn't laugh, not like Hayate laughed. "You love me?"
"No," Genma said, and he wanted to spread his fingers, float away from a world that was spinning too fast.
"Do you love him?" Kakashi asked, blood on his mouth, fingers pulling his mask up and up and up.
"Yes," Genma said, and he wondered if he was lying.
x
Hayate left first. He was always first, in everything he did, and he ended things the same way he started.
"We're going drinking," he said, breathless and pale next to Kakashi. "Come with me."
Genma followed, and he watched Hayate get drunk and he watched Hayate cough, but he didn't watch Hayate kiss him, because his eyes were closed and he was kissing Hayate back. He dragged Hayate home and the next morning Hayate was sprawled out on the floor, an arm flung over his eyes.
"God," Hayate groaned, "I'm so tired."
"You need to rest more," Genma said, sipping at his coffee. "You're sick, you need more rest."
Hayate smiled, lips thin and pale and dry, cracking and bleeding a little. "No time. I'm judging in the exam, you know?"
"Stupid," Genma said, leaning forward to kiss Hayate, coffee held out of the way. Hayate laughed against his mouth, and the kiss tasted like blood.
x
"Better?" Raidou asked, and Genma wanted to scream at him, but he was scared that if he opened his mouth he might start coughing.
Raidou rubbed his neck, thumb and fingers tight, and Genma turned his face against the floor, too scared to breathe.
x
The end of the summer was hot, too hot to do much more than lie on the floor and try to breathe. Sometimes, when Genma was feeling a little more alive, he'd go down to the river, and he'd throw himself into the water. He was floating, head tilted back, when there was a splash next to him.
Kakashi's fingers were loose around his wrist and Genma let Kakashi pull him until his feet touched the bottom of the river.
"You know how to dive?" Genma asked, pulling his wrist away from Kakashi. Kakashi looked at him, grey and red eyes on him, and Genma spread his arms out to the sides, in the cold water.
"Yeah," Kakashi said, and he didn't laugh, not like Hayate always had.
"Good," Genma said, and he spread his fingers, letting the river carry him away.
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I think one of the things I love most about your writing is the fluidity of it, one word leading on to one sentence leading on to one paragraph leading on to one passage leading on to one cohesive whole. Add anything more, take anything away, and it would lack. And there's the repetition, and the absolute stark beauty of the words, and oh. *fangirls*
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no subject
Just beautiful but by now I'd expect nothing less from you :)
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. . .
Re: . . .
'kay, the spreading fingers? No symbolism, at least not where you're trying to look, I think. It's just that he spreads his fingers and floats away, because he's in the river. See? He lets the river drag him downstream when he first meets Hayate. He floats away again when he's teaching Hayate to dive. I guess if you want any symbolism...in the first one, he's floating away from Konoha, which would be the summer to him. Hot, heavy air, that makes it impossible to breathe. He's tired of it, wants cool water and empty air, where he can breathe, and sleep, so he lets the river pull him away. Second time, he wants away from Hayate. Hayate's ruining his life in a way, but Genma isn't saying anything, and maybe it's because Genma's too passive, or maybe it's because he thinks Hayate's dying, but he's not going to do something as sudden and bold as kicking Hayate out. Instead, he just lets the river pull him away. The third time he spreads his fingers, he's not in the river but a hallway. Kakashi's pissing him off, Hayate's scaring him, and Genma wants to get out and away from there, so he spreads his fingers, waiting for the river to take him away, but he's not in the river, he's stuck where he is, in the hallway, with Kakashi on one side of the door, Hayate on the other. Finally, the last time he lets river drag him away, Kakashi's trying to come into his life like Hayate did, but Genma doesn't want that. Maybe he hasn't wanted anything to do with anyone, ever since the first time, when he was letting the river pull him away from Konoha, but he certainly doesn't want Kakashi, not right now, because Kakashi (and Raidou) are trying to make it all better, and they can't. Because Genma wants to hate Hayate so very badly, but he just can't make himself, and somehow, in his mind, Hayate redeemed himself, even though he never had to, because to Genma, Hayate walked on water (pun not intended *snickers*).
Does that help at all?
As far as Kakashi goes... Kakashi is just- Wow. I don't know exactly how Kakashi feels, except that it became a triangle, literally. Genma wanted Hayate, who wanted Kakashi, who wanted Genma. Except, that was only in the middle of the fic. In the beginning and the end, Hayate just wanted Genma, and Genma wanted Hayate, but Genma wasn't moving fast enough for Hayate, wasn't living loud enough. So, uh, Hayate went for the one guy more laid back than Genma. *shrugs* Either way, that's kinda how things went.
Does that help, too? *hopeful*
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