'Tryin' to Get to Heaven,' Part 18
Aug. 18th, 2005 08:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
midnightdiddleHow the parts keep growing. But small parts...
So, I'm back from HP fandom. *snort* I mean, I'm pretending I'm back, which really means that I've been taken over by the vengeful spirit of Malfoy in leather pants. And not any Malfoy, my friends, but Veela!Malfoy. Bwhahahahah!
But back to KakaIru... This is taking me forever. My apologies. Somehow, I've just lost touch with KakaIru. Hell, I've lost touch with Naruto. Well, enough about that.
!-!-! Two and a Half Months Before !-!-!
The night was hot, and those trying to sleep were restless, flinging their arms to the side, rolling about to try to find a spot of cool dirt. Kakashi walked along slowly, stepping over the flung limbs, peering through the dark to try to find Iruka. All the face looked nearly the same, tired and drawn, fading one into another, and Kakashi was about to give up when he found himself staring at a scarred nose. Iruka was sitting up, eyes half-closed, and he was yawning.
“Iruka-sensei?” Kakashi knelt in the dirt next to the teacher. Iruka yawned again and stretched his arms above his head, fingertips reaching to the dark sky.
“Yes, Kakashi?” Iruka sounded as though he was laughing and Kakashi squinted in the dark, trying to catch a smile on the chuunin’s face.
“Were you serious, what you said earlier today?”
Iruka looked up, his eyes dark smudges on his face, and Kakashi fought the urge to touch him. “About fucking?” the teacher asked.
Kakashi could feel his skin burn beneath the mask and, trying to ignore the blush slowly creeping up his face, nodded. Iruka smiled, teeth momentarily gleaming white in the dark, and Kakashi wondered how he felt threatened by the chuunin.
“Of course I did.” The chuunin’s voice was blithely innocent. Kakashi didn’t believe it for a moment.
“That’s-” he faltered, “-nice. Very nice.” Iruka’s lips were turning upwards and Kakashi leaned forward, eyes fastened on the teacher’s face.
“Kiss me,” Iruka commanded, and Kakashi leaned backwards, looking at Iruka with a half-hooded eye.
“Kiss you?” he asked, trying to sound careless. “Why?”
Iruka leaned forward, face getting closer and closer to Kakashi’s, until Kakashi could feel the faintest breath upon his lips. “Because I want you to,” the chuunin said.
“I don’t think,” Kakashi began, the smallest bit affronted, “I like being told what to do in a relationship.”
Iruka did laugh this time, and his breath sent shivers down Kakashi’s spine. “There won’t be a relationship if you don’t hurry up and kiss me,” Iruka reprimanded almost gently. Kakashi leaned in the last bit of space, then pulled back.
“Why am I kissing you? Why don’t you kiss me?”
The chuunin’s smile was wicked this time, sharp and bright and biting. “Because I’m just the innocent school teacher, and you’re the big bad jounin.”
“Big- big bad-” Kakashi coughed, choking on his laughter, and Iruka leaned forward, kissing him.
!-!-! Present !-!-!
“I started things,” Iruka said softly, staring down at his hands. They were clutching a rations bar tightly, the bar crumbling beneath his fingers. His hands were shaking, light tremors that ran up his arms, through his shoulders, covering his whole body. He tightened his hands even more, trying to hide the shaking, and tried to ignore the way Gai was watching him.
“Sensei?” Gai asked, curiosity overrun with something else, something Iruka couldn’t catch.
“With Kakashi,” the teacher said in explanation, raising the bar to take a small bite. “I started things.” He chewed and swallowed with difficulty, then slumped down into the blanket. His eyes slid closed, and Gai reached forward, tugging the blanket tighter around Iruka.
"We should start moving," the jounin said regretfully, staring at the ground. A bar wrapper was held in his hands, and he fiddled with it, the wrapper crinkling in the sudden quiet. Gai cleared his throat and Iruka barely nodded, eyes still closed.
"Right," Iruka murmured. He opened his eyes and blinked away the black spots swimming in his eyes. He felt curiously dull, like the edge of a knife was cutting into him, but he couldn't feel the pain, for all his mind tried to grasp it. He knew his body was falling apart, could feel it in the way his heart would miss a beat now and again, and in the way his lungs gave a dull sting at every breath. He could feel himself dying, and at the same time, he felt like he was outside of his body, watching it break down and give up, and how he hated giving up.
Gai was staring at him and Iruka tried to smile. The rations bar in his hand shook and he bit his lip. "Don't want to die," he whispered, and when Gai leaned forward Iruka wanted to bite his tongue. "I don't want to die," he repeated miserably, shoving what was left of the rations bar into his mouth so he could try and pretend he hadn't said that.
Gai's smile was gone. His face was still, frozen in an expression Iruka couldn't ever remember seeing on the jounin. Gai wasn't a sad man, never was, and when Iruka saw that look in Gai's eyes, the sad, pitying look, he was lost. He couldn't understand how Gai could smile and laugh and pretend it was all going to be alright, when it wasn't. Nothing was going to end up right, Iruka knew it, and Iruka wanted to scream, yell, kick something, kill something, but he couldn't. He couldn't even talk without feeling blood bubble up, thick and black and hot, crawling from his lungs into his mouth, trying to choke him. Iruka couldn't do it, couldn't make it. He was going to die, and then Kakashi- oh, God, Kakashi-
A strangled sound, somewhere between a sob and a cough, broke from his throat, and Iruka covered his mouth with his hands, catching the blood in his fingers. He coughed once, then once again, and wiped the back of his hand against the back of his mouth. He could taste his life on his tongue, bitter and metalic, and could see it on his hands, shining wetly under the moonlight. Gai was looking steadfastly at the ground and Iruka felt a manical smile come onto his face. So kind, so fucking kind, looking away and pretending like Iruka wasn't coughing up all his blood.
"I'm ready, Gai-san," Iruka said, not sure if he was trying to be mocking, or kind, or anything other than alive. He lifted up his hands, shaking at the ends of his arms, and Gai leapt to his feet, grabbing Iruka to help him up. Iruka swayed when he reached his feet, eyes trying to fasten onto something past the sudden black in his eyes, and Gai held his elbows, bodily holding him up. Iruka let himself fall forward, head hitting Gai's unmoving shoulder, and breathed slowly, faintly.
"You're too kind," Iruka whispered, suddenly too tired, too sad. "It'll kill you, being this kind." Gai shifted and Iruka moved back, shoulders slumped in defeat. "You're just too kind."
And...that's it for now. Hopefully I'll be writing again. That is, writing this, rather than my rampant angst!Draco. Mmm, Draco.
Oh, oh!![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dragon_bite, what were your exam results? Did you get in? ^_^
So, I'm back from HP fandom. *snort* I mean, I'm pretending I'm back, which really means that I've been taken over by the vengeful spirit of Malfoy in leather pants. And not any Malfoy, my friends, but Veela!Malfoy. Bwhahahahah!
But back to KakaIru... This is taking me forever. My apologies. Somehow, I've just lost touch with KakaIru. Hell, I've lost touch with Naruto. Well, enough about that.
!-!-! Two and a Half Months Before !-!-!
The night was hot, and those trying to sleep were restless, flinging their arms to the side, rolling about to try to find a spot of cool dirt. Kakashi walked along slowly, stepping over the flung limbs, peering through the dark to try to find Iruka. All the face looked nearly the same, tired and drawn, fading one into another, and Kakashi was about to give up when he found himself staring at a scarred nose. Iruka was sitting up, eyes half-closed, and he was yawning.
“Iruka-sensei?” Kakashi knelt in the dirt next to the teacher. Iruka yawned again and stretched his arms above his head, fingertips reaching to the dark sky.
“Yes, Kakashi?” Iruka sounded as though he was laughing and Kakashi squinted in the dark, trying to catch a smile on the chuunin’s face.
“Were you serious, what you said earlier today?”
Iruka looked up, his eyes dark smudges on his face, and Kakashi fought the urge to touch him. “About fucking?” the teacher asked.
Kakashi could feel his skin burn beneath the mask and, trying to ignore the blush slowly creeping up his face, nodded. Iruka smiled, teeth momentarily gleaming white in the dark, and Kakashi wondered how he felt threatened by the chuunin.
“Of course I did.” The chuunin’s voice was blithely innocent. Kakashi didn’t believe it for a moment.
“That’s-” he faltered, “-nice. Very nice.” Iruka’s lips were turning upwards and Kakashi leaned forward, eyes fastened on the teacher’s face.
“Kiss me,” Iruka commanded, and Kakashi leaned backwards, looking at Iruka with a half-hooded eye.
“Kiss you?” he asked, trying to sound careless. “Why?”
Iruka leaned forward, face getting closer and closer to Kakashi’s, until Kakashi could feel the faintest breath upon his lips. “Because I want you to,” the chuunin said.
“I don’t think,” Kakashi began, the smallest bit affronted, “I like being told what to do in a relationship.”
Iruka did laugh this time, and his breath sent shivers down Kakashi’s spine. “There won’t be a relationship if you don’t hurry up and kiss me,” Iruka reprimanded almost gently. Kakashi leaned in the last bit of space, then pulled back.
“Why am I kissing you? Why don’t you kiss me?”
The chuunin’s smile was wicked this time, sharp and bright and biting. “Because I’m just the innocent school teacher, and you’re the big bad jounin.”
“Big- big bad-” Kakashi coughed, choking on his laughter, and Iruka leaned forward, kissing him.
!-!-! Present !-!-!
“I started things,” Iruka said softly, staring down at his hands. They were clutching a rations bar tightly, the bar crumbling beneath his fingers. His hands were shaking, light tremors that ran up his arms, through his shoulders, covering his whole body. He tightened his hands even more, trying to hide the shaking, and tried to ignore the way Gai was watching him.
“Sensei?” Gai asked, curiosity overrun with something else, something Iruka couldn’t catch.
“With Kakashi,” the teacher said in explanation, raising the bar to take a small bite. “I started things.” He chewed and swallowed with difficulty, then slumped down into the blanket. His eyes slid closed, and Gai reached forward, tugging the blanket tighter around Iruka.
"We should start moving," the jounin said regretfully, staring at the ground. A bar wrapper was held in his hands, and he fiddled with it, the wrapper crinkling in the sudden quiet. Gai cleared his throat and Iruka barely nodded, eyes still closed.
"Right," Iruka murmured. He opened his eyes and blinked away the black spots swimming in his eyes. He felt curiously dull, like the edge of a knife was cutting into him, but he couldn't feel the pain, for all his mind tried to grasp it. He knew his body was falling apart, could feel it in the way his heart would miss a beat now and again, and in the way his lungs gave a dull sting at every breath. He could feel himself dying, and at the same time, he felt like he was outside of his body, watching it break down and give up, and how he hated giving up.
Gai was staring at him and Iruka tried to smile. The rations bar in his hand shook and he bit his lip. "Don't want to die," he whispered, and when Gai leaned forward Iruka wanted to bite his tongue. "I don't want to die," he repeated miserably, shoving what was left of the rations bar into his mouth so he could try and pretend he hadn't said that.
Gai's smile was gone. His face was still, frozen in an expression Iruka couldn't ever remember seeing on the jounin. Gai wasn't a sad man, never was, and when Iruka saw that look in Gai's eyes, the sad, pitying look, he was lost. He couldn't understand how Gai could smile and laugh and pretend it was all going to be alright, when it wasn't. Nothing was going to end up right, Iruka knew it, and Iruka wanted to scream, yell, kick something, kill something, but he couldn't. He couldn't even talk without feeling blood bubble up, thick and black and hot, crawling from his lungs into his mouth, trying to choke him. Iruka couldn't do it, couldn't make it. He was going to die, and then Kakashi- oh, God, Kakashi-
A strangled sound, somewhere between a sob and a cough, broke from his throat, and Iruka covered his mouth with his hands, catching the blood in his fingers. He coughed once, then once again, and wiped the back of his hand against the back of his mouth. He could taste his life on his tongue, bitter and metalic, and could see it on his hands, shining wetly under the moonlight. Gai was looking steadfastly at the ground and Iruka felt a manical smile come onto his face. So kind, so fucking kind, looking away and pretending like Iruka wasn't coughing up all his blood.
"I'm ready, Gai-san," Iruka said, not sure if he was trying to be mocking, or kind, or anything other than alive. He lifted up his hands, shaking at the ends of his arms, and Gai leapt to his feet, grabbing Iruka to help him up. Iruka swayed when he reached his feet, eyes trying to fasten onto something past the sudden black in his eyes, and Gai held his elbows, bodily holding him up. Iruka let himself fall forward, head hitting Gai's unmoving shoulder, and breathed slowly, faintly.
"You're too kind," Iruka whispered, suddenly too tired, too sad. "It'll kill you, being this kind." Gai shifted and Iruka moved back, shoulders slumped in defeat. "You're just too kind."
And...that's it for now. Hopefully I'll be writing again. That is, writing this, rather than my rampant angst!Draco. Mmm, Draco.
Oh, oh!
dragon_bite, what were your exam results? Did you get in? ^_^
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-08-19 02:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-21 06:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-20 05:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-21 06:17 am (UTC)But I'm so glad you like the story. It really means a lot. :)
no subject
Date: 2005-08-21 01:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-21 06:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-21 05:27 am (UTC)Why must you make Kakashi and Iruka be so happy , and then boom ! @_____@ They're dying !! TT^TT
ebil , ebil Kiki ... :K
oh well 1 ^^ Glad to know you're back from the dark side ! >;D
Hmm ... I wonder , how much more for Trying ?? @_____@ I wanna know what happens at the end !! >___< * ish curious *
no subject
Date: 2005-08-21 06:20 am (UTC)Technically, it's only Iruka that's dying. ^^
Back from the darkside? Well, actually, I'm taking a vacation in KakaIru, and then I'm afraid I'm going to be fleeing to Harry Potter. Oops.
How much more for Tryin'? Hmm... It's not even half-way done yet. Well, actually, maybe it is. No, it's not. We still have quite a ways to go yet. It's a long story. Hell, it's an epic. My epic. *sigh*
no subject
Date: 2005-09-17 05:44 am (UTC)