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midnightdiddleI was really trying to be a good sport today, and I think I was doing well. I didn't get much sleep, so I'm tired, and my head's pounding. However, I was happy, and cheerful, and dangit, I was laughing. Then I just got a review for A Few Unbearable Months. I quote:
'What. The. Fuck.'
End quote. Yes, folks, that's the review. I'm no longer amused. If you don't like what I write, then don't read it! I don't need a useless review that just swears at me.
So I tried to hold myself back, but I fond myself writing a letter anyways. It says:
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude, but was something wrong with my story? Because I have to say, I'm not fond of reviews that swear at me, without a reason. Perhaps you can explain why you said, and I quote:
"What. The. Fuck."
Sincerely,
Kiki"
Because I'm no longer amused. And my head is pounding so bad... I think the thing that annoyed me the most was the language. Yes, I swear, but I don't swear at people, because that's rude. I don't swear in letters, or reviews. I swear in stories, but stories are rated. Anyone could read that review, and that upsets me. Perhaps I'll just go delete it. Because I'm so not amused right now. Argh!
But at any rate, another section of Tryin':
Gai froze, smile falling from his face, and his hand shook the slightest bit. He looked at his hand, formed it into a fist, and forced a smile back onto his face. “I said you wouldn’t die, sensei. I don’t go back on my promises.”
“Of course not, Gai-san.” Iruka leaned forward, until his forehead was pressed against Gai’s shoulder, and Gai’s hands shook. “Of course not.”
“Your cut,” the jounin said, lost. “I need to clean your cut.”
Iruka leaned back against the tree and Gai tilted his face again, wiping the blood and dirt away from the gash carefully.
“Gai-san-” Iruka’s eyes were closed, his hands lying limp on the dirt. “Gai-san, I’m tired. Could we rest here, just for a bit?”
Gai looked at the chuunin’s face, at the blood- and dirt-smeared face, then up at the sun. “For a bit,” he said, pulling bandages from the medical kit.
!-!-!
“So you’re leaving?” Temari asked, sitting on the window sill. Late afternoon sun was streaming into the small room, and she was watching the shadows slowly elongate. “It’s going to be dark soon, you should wait until tomorrow.”
Shikamaru set a last scroll in his pack and pulled it closed, sighing. “I don’t have time to wait around here. I have to go back to Konoha, then to the lines.”
Temari kicked her foot, hitting the bed, and kicked again. “You’re going to the lines?” When he nodded she kicked even harder. “Have you ever been there?” she asked, trying to ignore the way he was watching her.
“Once or twice, carrying messages.” He grabbed his vest, pulling it on tiredly. “Never for very long.”
“Then you’ve never killed anyone?” She looked up at him, foot falling still. He opened his mouth, then closed it, shaking his head. “I have,” she remarked frankly, shifting on the windowsill. “It’s hard the first time, will make you sick, but it’s easy after that. Just don’t look at their faces, and you’ll be fine.”
“Yeah?” he asked, sounding bored, and she kicked the bed one last time.
“Yeah.” She reached out, grabbed the edges of his vest, and pulled him close. “You’re smart, you’ll be fine,” she said, zipping up the vest. She patted the canvas, then stood, looking up at him. “I’ll walk you to the edge of the village.”
“Do what you want,” Shikamaru sighed, turning to grab his bag. He pulled it onto his back, pulling on the straps, and followed when Temari walked out of the small room.
!-!-!
“Is his nose wet?” Ibiki asked, watching Pakkun lean against Kakashi’s hand.
“You don’t have to follow me.” Kakashi tugged on one of Pakkun’s ears, then gave the nin-dog an apologetic scratch. Ibiki crouched next to the copy-nin, uncomfortable, and Kakashi sighed.
“Is this going to become a habit, Ibiki-san?”
“I wanted to make sure you’re alright,” the taller man said lamely.
“I don’t want to do this,” Kakashi not quite snarled, “I don’t-” He paused, hand falling still on Pakkun’s head. “I’m tired of saying I’m fine, Ibiki-san, because I am. Just leave me alone with my damn dog.” His voice broke by the end, muffled as it was by the mask, and Ibiki shifted away. Pakkun was staring at him and Ibiki grew more uncomfortable.
“Are you-”
Kakashi turned, looking at Ibiki for the first time, and Ibiki fell silent. The copy-nin tiredly smiled, eye curving up. “I’m sure.”
!-!-!
Gai could feel time as a physical thing, brushing against his skin, raising the hairs on his neck as each second passed by. Iruka was sleeping, chest rising and falling, and Gai could feel time slip by the way the hollows around the teacher’s eyes grew darker and pronounced, the way the tanned skin grew pale.
They were running out of time, and Gai was powerless to stop it, to do anything. He was lost, stuck in way over his head, and he could find no way out. This had never happened to him before. There had always been a way out, a flippant phrase or foolish pose to fall back on, but nothing would come to him.
He leaned forward on his knees, grabbing Iruka’s shoulder between thick fingers, and tightened his grip. “Sensei, we need to get going.” He smiled when Iruka opened his eyes, and hoped the smile looked real.
“How long?” Iruka asked, head dipped forward until his chin rested on his chest, and Gai let go of his shoulder.
“About half an hour.” Half an hour of time he wasn’t going to get back, and time was just moving too fast, and he felt so disoriented and small. He wondered, for a moment, if this was how Iruka felt, caught up in something too big, too fast, and he wondered, for a moment, if Iruka felt so tired of life.
“How long until Konoha?”
Gai looked away, fixing his eyes somewhere between the trees, just below the low-set sun. “If we run through night? We should get there tomorrow.”
“When?” the chuunin asked, almost breathless, and Gai’s smile widened fractionally.
“Soon enough. Ready, Iruka-sensei?”
“You don’t have to call me that,” Iruka said softly, opening his eyes again. Gai looked at him, curious. “Sensei,” the younger man explained. “You don’t have to call me sensei.”
“Whatever you say, sensei,” Gai said, an odd tone in his voice, and Iruka smiled.
Forgive me if it's not up to par with previous parts. I'm tired, pissed, and hurt. But enough about that. Part 13 is done, and so is Chapter Five. Yay!
'What. The. Fuck.'
End quote. Yes, folks, that's the review. I'm no longer amused. If you don't like what I write, then don't read it! I don't need a useless review that just swears at me.
So I tried to hold myself back, but I fond myself writing a letter anyways. It says:
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude, but was something wrong with my story? Because I have to say, I'm not fond of reviews that swear at me, without a reason. Perhaps you can explain why you said, and I quote:
"What. The. Fuck."
Sincerely,
Kiki"
Because I'm no longer amused. And my head is pounding so bad... I think the thing that annoyed me the most was the language. Yes, I swear, but I don't swear at people, because that's rude. I don't swear in letters, or reviews. I swear in stories, but stories are rated. Anyone could read that review, and that upsets me. Perhaps I'll just go delete it. Because I'm so not amused right now. Argh!
But at any rate, another section of Tryin':
Gai froze, smile falling from his face, and his hand shook the slightest bit. He looked at his hand, formed it into a fist, and forced a smile back onto his face. “I said you wouldn’t die, sensei. I don’t go back on my promises.”
“Of course not, Gai-san.” Iruka leaned forward, until his forehead was pressed against Gai’s shoulder, and Gai’s hands shook. “Of course not.”
“Your cut,” the jounin said, lost. “I need to clean your cut.”
Iruka leaned back against the tree and Gai tilted his face again, wiping the blood and dirt away from the gash carefully.
“Gai-san-” Iruka’s eyes were closed, his hands lying limp on the dirt. “Gai-san, I’m tired. Could we rest here, just for a bit?”
Gai looked at the chuunin’s face, at the blood- and dirt-smeared face, then up at the sun. “For a bit,” he said, pulling bandages from the medical kit.
!-!-!
“So you’re leaving?” Temari asked, sitting on the window sill. Late afternoon sun was streaming into the small room, and she was watching the shadows slowly elongate. “It’s going to be dark soon, you should wait until tomorrow.”
Shikamaru set a last scroll in his pack and pulled it closed, sighing. “I don’t have time to wait around here. I have to go back to Konoha, then to the lines.”
Temari kicked her foot, hitting the bed, and kicked again. “You’re going to the lines?” When he nodded she kicked even harder. “Have you ever been there?” she asked, trying to ignore the way he was watching her.
“Once or twice, carrying messages.” He grabbed his vest, pulling it on tiredly. “Never for very long.”
“Then you’ve never killed anyone?” She looked up at him, foot falling still. He opened his mouth, then closed it, shaking his head. “I have,” she remarked frankly, shifting on the windowsill. “It’s hard the first time, will make you sick, but it’s easy after that. Just don’t look at their faces, and you’ll be fine.”
“Yeah?” he asked, sounding bored, and she kicked the bed one last time.
“Yeah.” She reached out, grabbed the edges of his vest, and pulled him close. “You’re smart, you’ll be fine,” she said, zipping up the vest. She patted the canvas, then stood, looking up at him. “I’ll walk you to the edge of the village.”
“Do what you want,” Shikamaru sighed, turning to grab his bag. He pulled it onto his back, pulling on the straps, and followed when Temari walked out of the small room.
!-!-!
“Is his nose wet?” Ibiki asked, watching Pakkun lean against Kakashi’s hand.
“You don’t have to follow me.” Kakashi tugged on one of Pakkun’s ears, then gave the nin-dog an apologetic scratch. Ibiki crouched next to the copy-nin, uncomfortable, and Kakashi sighed.
“Is this going to become a habit, Ibiki-san?”
“I wanted to make sure you’re alright,” the taller man said lamely.
“I don’t want to do this,” Kakashi not quite snarled, “I don’t-” He paused, hand falling still on Pakkun’s head. “I’m tired of saying I’m fine, Ibiki-san, because I am. Just leave me alone with my damn dog.” His voice broke by the end, muffled as it was by the mask, and Ibiki shifted away. Pakkun was staring at him and Ibiki grew more uncomfortable.
“Are you-”
Kakashi turned, looking at Ibiki for the first time, and Ibiki fell silent. The copy-nin tiredly smiled, eye curving up. “I’m sure.”
!-!-!
Gai could feel time as a physical thing, brushing against his skin, raising the hairs on his neck as each second passed by. Iruka was sleeping, chest rising and falling, and Gai could feel time slip by the way the hollows around the teacher’s eyes grew darker and pronounced, the way the tanned skin grew pale.
They were running out of time, and Gai was powerless to stop it, to do anything. He was lost, stuck in way over his head, and he could find no way out. This had never happened to him before. There had always been a way out, a flippant phrase or foolish pose to fall back on, but nothing would come to him.
He leaned forward on his knees, grabbing Iruka’s shoulder between thick fingers, and tightened his grip. “Sensei, we need to get going.” He smiled when Iruka opened his eyes, and hoped the smile looked real.
“How long?” Iruka asked, head dipped forward until his chin rested on his chest, and Gai let go of his shoulder.
“About half an hour.” Half an hour of time he wasn’t going to get back, and time was just moving too fast, and he felt so disoriented and small. He wondered, for a moment, if this was how Iruka felt, caught up in something too big, too fast, and he wondered, for a moment, if Iruka felt so tired of life.
“How long until Konoha?”
Gai looked away, fixing his eyes somewhere between the trees, just below the low-set sun. “If we run through night? We should get there tomorrow.”
“When?” the chuunin asked, almost breathless, and Gai’s smile widened fractionally.
“Soon enough. Ready, Iruka-sensei?”
“You don’t have to call me that,” Iruka said softly, opening his eyes again. Gai looked at him, curious. “Sensei,” the younger man explained. “You don’t have to call me sensei.”
“Whatever you say, sensei,” Gai said, an odd tone in his voice, and Iruka smiled.
Forgive me if it's not up to par with previous parts. I'm tired, pissed, and hurt. But enough about that. Part 13 is done, and so is Chapter Five. Yay!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-07-05 04:32 am (UTC)I'm so glad that you like Gai, and feel bad for him. Gai's been the most challenging character, to keep him 'Gai' and 'Beautiful Green Beast' enough, but still make him human. Every time I get a compliment, or thought on Gai, it just makes me so happy.
Yay! My writing doesn't give anything away! That's good. Though, what you imagine as the end, won't be the end. How's that for a riddle?
And that stupid reviewer still hasn't answered back. Grr on them. Grr!
no subject
Date: 2005-07-05 05:11 pm (UTC)Hear us roar , you stupid flamer !1!1!!! >:D
I think you did a wonderful job on Gai ! :D
So many people think he's always happy and stuff , but here , like you said , you made him human . Yay for humanity ! ^^
And that riddle is , well , not really a riddle ... >__>; But , how do you know what I think of the ending ? lol ;DD
I think it's gonna be a sad , saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad , cry me a river saaaaaaaaaaad ending . >___>;;
T__________T;;
no subject
Date: 2005-07-05 05:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-05 06:05 pm (UTC)* poke poke poke *